This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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