We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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