I hate all girls vehemently.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
