i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We need a shit load of segways right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
