So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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