why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
did you just send me my own nude
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
