So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
