evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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