Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
