This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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