rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm both gender and math confused
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
