Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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