not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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