He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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