A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
