im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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