And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
