Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Randomize
