Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
