i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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