Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm passing your future prison.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
