my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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