The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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