Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
