It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
