she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
