i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
