My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
