Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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