There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
