I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We had sex on a dog bed..
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
