I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize