dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
