wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize