i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
