listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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