Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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