Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
