oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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