Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
They have beer where we have blood.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
