nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Randomize
