i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
