This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you win again, gameday.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize