He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
