so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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