I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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