How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
try to milk me bitch
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