He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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