just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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