He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Do you still have your period?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
