Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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