I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Randomize
