I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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