I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
