so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
