so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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