i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
