He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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