i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
