i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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