I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
