it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
