I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
